Collidescope

Stepping up to the job

Oh dear – I’ve been a bit peaky you know. Some new virus from outer space has been withering me bronichals if you will excuse the expression. It’s not that I need a pick-me-up, it’s more a case of needing a crane. I knew when I signed up for the gym that it would all come to no good. How many times do you hear that so and so famous sporty sparty athlete has had to pull out of events because they have a sporty sparty virus? Huh – and what type of person do you meet at fitness centres? Yes – it’s sick athletes passing on their bugs. When did you ever hear of anyone pulling out of competition because of chocolate? When did you ever hear of a virus that singled out wine merchants or foie gras manufacturers. I would rest my case but it’s a bit wobbly.

We are not amused. Obama was far more fun than this.

What got me back to the keyboard was of course Her Majesty the Queen. She’s been on the throne for 60 years. Now, what a waste of a career. Anyone who can sit on the same seat year after year with no hope of getting any further should have been a novelist. Today she gave a speech to Parliament and they gave her a stained glass window. Now what sort of gift is that?  You can’t just put it on e-bay  tagged as “unwanted gift”.  Where would you put it?

Schism of prism

The speaker of the House (of Parliament) John Bercow, gave a speech first, welcoming the Queen’s speech. Oh dear – oh no -PM Dave did not like it! Bercow called her “The kaleidoscope Queen”.(Police outside fought with crowds to hold back Freddie Mercury fans). But no – he meant Her Majesty. Obviously he set the wrong tone. The Tower of London is being prepared. Heads will roll.

Queen of Romance

One demi-royal was in fact a novelist. The step-grandmother of Princess Diana was Barbara Cartland who is probably the most successful writer of all time. Her Romances sold at least a billion copies and in her lifetime she published 723 books. I wrote to her about 35 years ago asking for the name of her agent. It is beginning to look like she was too busy to reply.


Now let’s cheer you up. Dear old Oscar has been in an online Arts mag (The Altered Scale) featuring all manner of music, performance and general fusion. I checked out the event and came across a group that are pure sexy grunge dirty blues that absolutely grips me. I wanna write love and sex like this music. The artists are called “Purgatory Hill”. This moooosic howls pure celestial bestial luvstuff.


Emma thinx: If you have to set the tone – avoid the purple concrete.



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4 thoughts on “Collidescope

  1. Hope you're feeling better. Funny, I *just* exchanged a bunch of emails this afternoon with the manager at my gym, asking her to post more signs about wiping down equipment after use (after observing all the people who didn't! Blech). Hubby got the bug last week, I've avoided it so far, knock on semi-hollow head.

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  2. What ever you got, it hasn't attacked your funny bone. You are such an entertaining writer. You really should have a column in a newspaper. The world gets a proper shaping if it's left with you for even a short time. Thanks for another fun time.

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