Tickled Pink By Barbara’s Whiskers @HitLitPRo pic.twitter.com/XeS2X3e120 #Movember #charity #novel

Pink lady with the heart of a wing commander

The colour pink for me means Barbara Cartland, the romantic novelist. She was a deeply conservative ultra posh lady who became Princess Diana’s step grandmother I think. Apparently she did not get on with Diana and was not invited to her marriage with Charles. My personal recollection of her was when she said:


I have the body of a young girl. I haven’t got a single line on my body. I often think I should be photographed naked”

Well, she was only 95 at the time. In fact I don’t have a single line on my body. All of mine are at least double or triple lines. I think I should be photographed by naked photographers. 

She was a Dame Commander of the British Empire and a knight of the order of Saint John. She wrote  a huge number of novels and holds the Guinness Book Of Records title for the most novels published in a year – 23 titles in 1983. It makes NaNoWriMo look pretty limp. In all she sold 1000 million books, mainly romances but also about the health benefits of honey and vitamins. 

But, her writing was but a small part of the story. She is also credited with inventing the idea of towing gliders behind powered aircraft as a means of defeating Nazi Germany on D day. It is widely rumored that in in order to convince the Air Ministry of her discovery, she wore a wing commander mustache. Quite simply the top brass would not take her seriously dressed in pink chiffon. This is one of the great untold stories of World War 2. Anyone doubting the truth of this should check out the 1984 Bishop Wright Air

Barbara had balls enough to fly gliders

Industry Award which acknowledges her contribution. 


The woman was a marvel. She was involved in racing cars and brought out an album of love songs recorded with the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra. Reading her life story is an inspiration. Just think – all her heroines were gasping horrified virgins. Now that’s where I’ve been going wrong!

Now, Babs is the last of my hairy honeys. All of these women lived in the daring spirit of Movember. Now you can do your bit and buy the bloody book. Let’s Hear It For The Boys


Emma Thinx: Every candy floss is heavy with a child’s hope.

Collidescope

Stepping up to the job

Oh dear – I’ve been a bit peaky you know. Some new virus from outer space has been withering me bronichals if you will excuse the expression. It’s not that I need a pick-me-up, it’s more a case of needing a crane. I knew when I signed up for the gym that it would all come to no good. How many times do you hear that so and so famous sporty sparty athlete has had to pull out of events because they have a sporty sparty virus? Huh – and what type of person do you meet at fitness centres? Yes – it’s sick athletes passing on their bugs. When did you ever hear of anyone pulling out of competition because of chocolate? When did you ever hear of a virus that singled out wine merchants or foie gras manufacturers. I would rest my case but it’s a bit wobbly.

We are not amused. Obama was far more fun than this.

What got me back to the keyboard was of course Her Majesty the Queen. She’s been on the throne for 60 years. Now, what a waste of a career. Anyone who can sit on the same seat year after year with no hope of getting any further should have been a novelist. Today she gave a speech to Parliament and they gave her a stained glass window. Now what sort of gift is that?  You can’t just put it on e-bay  tagged as “unwanted gift”.  Where would you put it?

Schism of prism

The speaker of the House (of Parliament) John Bercow, gave a speech first, welcoming the Queen’s speech. Oh dear – oh no -PM Dave did not like it! Bercow called her “The kaleidoscope Queen”.(Police outside fought with crowds to hold back Freddie Mercury fans). But no – he meant Her Majesty. Obviously he set the wrong tone. The Tower of London is being prepared. Heads will roll.

Queen of Romance

One demi-royal was in fact a novelist. The step-grandmother of Princess Diana was Barbara Cartland who is probably the most successful writer of all time. Her Romances sold at least a billion copies and in her lifetime she published 723 books. I wrote to her about 35 years ago asking for the name of her agent. It is beginning to look like she was too busy to reply.


Now let’s cheer you up. Dear old Oscar has been in an online Arts mag (The Altered Scale) featuring all manner of music, performance and general fusion. I checked out the event and came across a group that are pure sexy grunge dirty blues that absolutely grips me. I wanna write love and sex like this music. The artists are called “Purgatory Hill”. This moooosic howls pure celestial bestial luvstuff.


Emma thinx: If you have to set the tone – avoid the purple concrete.