Shaving Soap Opera. Mo More @Movember @HitLitPro pic.twitter.com/AIEZ23wYBb

Shaving soap opera: It’s over.  It’s not you – it’s me. You’re always there. You’re part of me but I need space for myself.

Mo More Movember. The party is over. Call in the guys from Disney, string up the violins. A defenceless hairy creature faces the chop. Yes it’s the end of the line for the tash. Both Oscar and I have agreed that despite its value as a foolproof contraceptive, the furry beast is coming off. I’ve decided I just don’t write enough about kissing. Once the thing is gone I’m gonna grab him for a snogathon and report back. If some good woman had shaved off Stalin and Hitler maybe they would have had more pleasure and focused on better things in life.

It has been an interesting month. A procession of visitors both French and English have offered opinions on the thing. It’s a strange thing to loiter about while various women discuss whether your man is more or less attractive with or without. Oscar preens and struts offering trial kisses.

I’ve been fascinated by the vocabulary around the tash. Words like distinguished, sexy, aristocratic and artistic actually mean mad looking scruffy old goat. One lady said it made him look more like a poet. When I questioned her she admitted what she meant was mad looking scruffy old goat. 

In rural France most males are in a permanent tash cycle between periodic shaves. In colder weather the period is often extended to fit in with other toiletry procedures. It’s a job to know who has a tash and who hasn’t.

Get in the mood. Slip something satisfying in your stockings



So – there it is. Now it’s back to lining up on Runway One for Christmas. I’ve started already with a big turkey fest for all the family I won’t be seeing on the day. The tree is a treat, the pies are mincing, the prezzies are piling. And guess what I’m giving as little stocking gifts? YES – it’s the Hit Lit Pro Movember Anthology  “Let’s Hear It For The Boys“. Go on girls – slip one in with his bag of nuts and help to keep him healthy.


Emma Thinx: The tash: you don’t know what you’ve snot ’til its gone. 





Tickled Pink By Barbara’s Whiskers @HitLitPRo pic.twitter.com/XeS2X3e120 #Movember #charity #novel

Pink lady with the heart of a wing commander

The colour pink for me means Barbara Cartland, the romantic novelist. She was a deeply conservative ultra posh lady who became Princess Diana’s step grandmother I think. Apparently she did not get on with Diana and was not invited to her marriage with Charles. My personal recollection of her was when she said:


I have the body of a young girl. I haven’t got a single line on my body. I often think I should be photographed naked”

Well, she was only 95 at the time. In fact I don’t have a single line on my body. All of mine are at least double or triple lines. I think I should be photographed by naked photographers. 

She was a Dame Commander of the British Empire and a knight of the order of Saint John. She wrote  a huge number of novels and holds the Guinness Book Of Records title for the most novels published in a year – 23 titles in 1983. It makes NaNoWriMo look pretty limp. In all she sold 1000 million books, mainly romances but also about the health benefits of honey and vitamins. 

But, her writing was but a small part of the story. She is also credited with inventing the idea of towing gliders behind powered aircraft as a means of defeating Nazi Germany on D day. It is widely rumored that in in order to convince the Air Ministry of her discovery, she wore a wing commander mustache. Quite simply the top brass would not take her seriously dressed in pink chiffon. This is one of the great untold stories of World War 2. Anyone doubting the truth of this should check out the 1984 Bishop Wright Air
Barbara had balls enough to fly gliders

Industry Award which acknowledges her contribution. 


The woman was a marvel. She was involved in racing cars and brought out an album of love songs recorded with the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra. Reading her life story is an inspiration. Just think – all her heroines were gasping horrified virgins. Now that’s where I’ve been going wrong!

Now, Babs is the last of my hairy honeys. All of these women lived in the daring spirit of Movember. Now you can do your bit and buy the bloody book. Let’s Hear It For The Boys


Emma Thinx: Every candy floss is heavy with a child’s hope.

Who’s Afraid of Virginia’s Mustache? @HitLitPro @MovemberUK @Movember pic.twitter.com/HNXerUkWRH

When things got dark and hairy Mo Sista Virginia was a lighthouse.

Some things my friends are stranger than fiction. My bearded lady this week is none other than pinnacle of intellectual writers – Virginia Woolf.

Now, I must confess that her style was a bit high brow for me. I did read “To The Lighthouse” a few years ago when I was considering applying to join a Novelists’ Association as a virginal novice supplicant. I knew my lack of lit-cred could be a problem. Her book is said to be the prime distillation of modernist genius. It’s about visiting a lighthouse, or not, or why.  I realised quite early that I was a thicko or at least a neo-post-modernist material girlie philistine.  I knew I needed to improve myself and battled on with “Mrs Dalloway”. It was all about a woman planning a party. Dear me – it was so so so deep into party planning. In the end I shelved the Literary Association ambitions and learned to self publish. I knew my place.

Mo-Sista Virginia is on the far left posing as an Abyssinian Royal



Although not educated enough to really understand her books or even my own split infinitives, I got to like the woman. She had an outrageous sense of fun. She was also involved in one of the first ever Movember stunts. In 1910 Virginia took part in the famous Dreadnought hoax with a group of other intellectuals. Posing as a group of Abyssinian Royals they bluffed their way onto the flagship of the Royal Navy, HMS Dreadnought. All manner of ceremonies and gun salutes were played out in their honour. Virginia herself sported a full beard. Now – that’s my sort of high brow! Me –  I just wander about in Walmart with a false mustache. Sad thing is – no one notices. 

To be serious, she was a troubled soul who took her own life. Let’s not forget that the Movember charity is also very involved with mental health issues. SO……

DOWNLOAD OUR BLOODY BOOK. You’ll get a good read and do some good.

http://www.smarturl.it/LetsHearItForTheBoys



Emma Thinx: When lovin’ is a must, sistas got a stash.

Mustache On The Orient Express @HitLitPro @MovemberUK @Movember #Charity #book

Agatha on 30th Movember 1926. 

Agatha Christie was one the world’s greatest crime writers. From Miss Marple to Hercule Poirot she created some of the most enduring detective heroes of literature.

Far greater than anything she wrote was the story of her own disappearance on December 3rd 1926. This remains the greatest of her mysteries. Many learned books have been written about what may have happened. It is known that her car was found abandoned in Surrey, a county of southern England. Ten days later she was uncovered at an hotel in Harrogate, Yorkshire – a point hundreds of miles to the north. She was staying there in disguise. In the meantime the entire British police service and the general public were looking for her. The first ever aerial search in Britain was carried out over the area where her car had been found.


David Suchet as Hercule Poirot

Photographic evidence that has just come into my possession has revealed the true reason for her disappearance. Only now can I expose the facts. Yes – she had grown a mustache. The date of her disappearance is significant. She had grown her new friend during the month of Movember. At the end of the month her friends and publishers knew that her adoring public would never accept her new persona. In those days sistas had fewer life options. Her marriage was on the rocks and her mustache was her only friend and link to the true love of her life – Hercule Poirot whom she had met on the blank page of life in 1920. It was classic Pygmalion complex. Her mustache was a homage to her famous detective. Rather than lose the mustache, she ran away to Yorkshire. It was one place where she could hope for acceptance.

But why Yorkshire? Come on folks – it’s just so obvious my dear Watson. Harrogate was a watering hole of the Brontë Sistas, who published their original stories and poems under male pseudonyms. This was a place where scribe-sistas routinely took on the personas of men.  It’s all so clear when  a great detective translates the clues. There will be a meeting of everyone involved in the dining car later but you guys reading this, need not attend. 


Orient Express dining car. Her clue could reveal a detective’s identity




A dull thud broke the silence at Calin Towers

In the meantime a mysterious thud brought the maid running out into the hall at Calin Towers. Fearing that yet another murdered aristocrat had tumbled down the stairs it was a fantastic surprise to see an Amazon parcel filled with the tactile real book editions of “Let’s Hear It For The Boys”. Now I can get on up and get out there on the trail. Let’s jam a copy under a few noses and see the results. If a picture is worth a thousand words it follows that a few thousand words are gonna be worth a picture with some celeb’ who secretly longs to meet me. Schimples.

Buy our bloody book etc ……. 

Emma Thinx: Tall stories show their legs in shorts.








We’ve Got Our Litz Bitz Out For The Boyz – @Movember @HitLitPro #Charity #book

Feel’em Friday eh? If I had one like this I’d do it daily.
Open your saucy red top for some pun in the SUN

That’s done it. More cheeky headline slut-smut from the mistress of mischief. Yes – all us girls in the fab Hit Lit Pro team have got their litz bits right out there for all those boys who read the UK’s only great national paper for red blooded work hardened males and those who love them – THE SUN. 


My American readers may not know and love THE SUN as well as we do in the UK. To give you a flavour, today is “FEEL’ EM FRIDAY” – a medical feature encouraging men to unzip and slip their commanding strong yet sensitive hands around the old block and tackle to check it out for health issues. Oooh! I may have to stop in a minute to calm myself down.

When Kim heard she was in the same edition she dressed to impress


The fact is that THE SUN has featured the Hit Lit Pro “Let’s Hear It For The Boys” Movember men’s health charity collection. So far they are the only national to give us a plug. So – come on all you posh journalists and the BBC – you’ve got the same equipment down there! You get up to the same stuff as the hunky SUN readers. 

It says buy the book and help to save lives !!!!


Just think – we’re all in the same edition as Kim Kardashian. I hope she checks out her bits too. I sure check mine out but so far THE SUN has not shone on me. If we’re talking pound for pound value in female flesh I fancy my chances.

Look – forget all the hype and Emma sauce. We all need to be aware and not ignore things out of embarrassment or pride. This month it’s for blokes but we all know it’s all year for all of us. Girls – check him out – you know he just wants to share. 

And buy our bloody book……etc





Emma Thinx: Cancer hates a sentry. Shoot first. 

Taunton Literary Festival Book Fair

I explain to Candy Bright my interest in male physiology

Recently I was reading a guru scribe. I’m beginning to feel like the old lady in the song who swallowed a guru. She swallowed the guru to catch the guru but I don’t know why she swallowed the guru. Perhaps she’ll write….

This particular guru was explaining to me that any writer who used the expression “It had started to rain/boil/dance etc” was unworthy of their scribe-sista badge, author-pride epaulets and keyboard panties. Such expressions are the mark of the amateur, an all together lower creature.
Oscar’s work is so heavy that it takes two poets to hold a slim book


So it was that as I arrived in Taunton for the Literary Festival book fair it started to rain. I saw it start. Yes I did.  The car suddenly became a mini submarine in an episode of the Blue Planet. Oscar tried to sound like David Attenborough by explaining “Here in the deepest of deeps, biologists are starting to identify thousands of gurus no man has ever read.”

Oh yes – it rained. At the hall everything was fine and welcoming.
Paul Tobin shows off his “Flash Words” collection.

Truth to tell, the rain kept the event more or less punter free. Well, they’re an awkward lot anyway! Far better to stick with fellow scribblers. I bought and swapped a heap of books and met some great literoids. It is just amazing what is out there beyond my own intergalactic marketing empire. I’ve got books to read by Paul Tobin, Zoe Ainsworth-Grigg,Victor Godrich, Howard Lewis, Paul Mortimer and Sinéad  Gillespie. I wanted to get one from Candy Bright but I’ve already got them.  All you guys stand by for blogs and reviews.


Oscar did a short reading with the Juncture 25 poetry group. Last time he spoke in public was a court appearance for parking. The beaks weren’t impressed by his use of yellow line breaks. He did better this time – well, no £60 fine but I’m not sure if the dog was that interested. Oh yes – there was a lovely waggy dog. Novelists archive this kind of fun for rainy days.

All human life is there. Should keep me quiet for a while.

I had a convivial time chatting to old comrades and meeting other writers. Oscar had the chance to explain his Movember hairs and demonstrate to a young punter how to locate his prostate. We got out of town before the police arrived.

Thanks for having us in Somerset guys.
Things got hairy with my CIA Engineer

While I’ve been writing, a gorgeous young bearded guy came to fix the burglar alarm. He’s in full Movember mode including his chest(!) and doing his bit for men’s health. I couldn’t miss the chance to get a snap with Paul Doherty of CIA Alarms. He was a great sport and took his embarrassment as part of his professional duty.  With CIA the customer is always right.

Emma Thinx: Digital authors don’t do hard sell.








Emma’s Spare Tyre Tummy Award Goes Gourmet in France

Canard – The first bite is with the eyes. Then you taste with your heart and enjoy with your soul. 

The French have many words to express culinary excellence. They have cordon bleu chefs and haute cuisine. My favourite term is La Gourmandise which kinda expresses a perfection of pleasure. It takes into account the ambiance and the sheer joy of tasting a wonderful meal. 


Monk fish – too good to eat, so you savour slowly

A few days ago I had lunch in the village of Taillebourg which lies alongside the beautiful Charente river. This was not the first time I had visited “L’Auberge des Glycines”. You can check out my previous post here.

Between us we tasted duck, sea bass, filets de rouget, monk fish, souffle with grand marnier and on and on. We had a pichet of the house Bordeaux red which was as full and smooth as anything I’ve tasted anywhere.


An experience of beauty

Clearly the guys who run this place take pride in their work. It seems to me that they have a passion to provide an experience of beauty. They sure do succeed. 

Inside there’s chocolate and caramel…..



My warmest thanks to “L’Auberge des Glycines”. They top the list of Emma’s Spare Tyre Tummy Awards.

P.S. They have the cutest boxer dog!

Je suis français, but you can call me Winston.








Elsewhere in life, we are now in Movember. I’m gearing up the machine to draw attention to myself – this time for a good cause as a ‘Mo Sista’. The local press have just been on the phone. Oooh – let’s hope we sell truck loads of the Movember anthology ‘Let’s Hear it For the Boys’.



Emma thinx: Take the male out of Female and you find the iron lady




HitLit Pro – A new collaboration between #Romance #Authors, #Readers and Promotors @HitLitPro


I am thrilled to announce my launch day as part of a year-long promotion with Hit Lit Pro and Candle Lit Author Services. Myself and nine other hand-picked authors will be talking about ourselves and our books at various online visits from now though to June next year.

We want to get to know YOU, our readers, and the aim is to getting us all chatting, exchanging ideas, favourite things and everything else we want to talk about…as well as the hope you might be interested in buying some wonderful books, of course!

Make sure you follow us on Facebook and Twitter to see what we’re up to!


There will be giveaways and prizes as well as lots of writerly and readerly chat – I am so honoured to have been picked for this launch.

Happy Reading!

Authors taking part are:

and me ….. Emma Calin