|Huston – We have a novel.
The accent was clearly American, the tone serious. It was 3.26am London time. Not even Sky Media Sales cold call in the night.
“Ma’am – This is NASA Huston. We’ve just recovered a digital cookbook and a copy of your latest novel from the surface of the moon.”
“Wow! Thanks,” I replied, “Is it damaged? The paper quality is quite good.”
“Was that one of your ironic English jokes Ma’am?”
“I’m not sure. Generally I make do with whimsy and sarcasm until at least midday,” I said.
“Do you have any idea how it got there?” asked the voice.
“I sent a copy to Elvis. He’s a big star in the book. I guess he didn’t want it and decided to return it to sender,” I said.
The line went dead. I knew not to try a lame joke so early. I sighed. Another copy returned without a review!
Between you and me, none of that happened. The purpose of this blog is to find out something about the way blogs now operate. These days I get thousands of blog views. My biggest ever title about bird watching contained the word “Tits.” Until recently nothing I posted on here got anything like the same number of views as my “Tits”. Then recently I posted a feature about video gaming. Suddenly my “Tits” drooped to a poor second. Up to a thousand hits a day can land on my feature “Blinkers And Nosebags.” But why? None of them spam me with undergarment ads or suggestions that I buy their books, visit their blogs, have myself surgically enhanced, help distressed cats etc.
Since I got into publishing I’ve lost count of the gurus I’ve followed into dark cash sucking caves. The deeper you get into Holetruth mountain, the weaker gets the guiding flame. In the darkness I turn and head back out. I guess there’s a great guru recycling plant somewhere. Do they cross pollinate or form sterile mules? The wisdom used to be that blog views would enhance sales. My experience is that they do not. These days most of my sales are copies I buy myself and send to celebrities in outer space. I just wanna know why thousands of folk look at this stuff! If I knew that I could tele-sales or doorstep them to sell my books. Let’s see if Elvis, the moon, Marc Bolan,NASA and the Queen of England get me some views or sales.
|Happy Birthday Your Majesty|
Oh yes – it’s the Queen’s 88th birthday. Many of her family are in my lunar landing book Shannon’s Law. I’m thinking of sending her a copy.
Emma thinx: The greatest deception is that the truth can ever be whole.