Coming Out Of My Shell

Someone once mocked a political opponent by saying that they “could not run a whelk stall”. I don’t think I could either – because I’d eat them all. Whelks are far too good to serve or sell to other people. I’m not too sure how well known they are in the USA but I think Italians may call them Scungilli. If you fancy some nice juicy yet chewy snail type food here is a link to a NY Times article

Here in France they are called “bulot”. As I write this little blog a background fantasy of sea food is playing in the middle of my mind.  The attached You Tube clip is just to show you how to be sure to add enough salt to oxidise your cardiac pacemaker.

The only reason Fruits de Mer and bulots are going round in my head is that I have just seen some at la poissonnerie and denied myself even a single lick. Today is a fasting day  on the 5:2 diet so it’s all about sacrifice. I still don’t think I could run a whelk stall though.

Allowing myself to look at whelks was a special treat to celebrate the completion of the final story for my forthcoming collection of shorts and novelettes which will go out under the banner Love In A Hopeless Place. They are all stories of love among poorer people in urban settings. The final story has probably been the most difficult thing I have ever tried to do. I know it will shock and appal many people. In the end I thought I had to write it because it is more or less a re-creation of true events without too much intervention by me. I’m never afraid of putting sex in my stories and in cases where this is what motivates characters, you just cannot avoid it. I am a bit nervous of the contents. There are advisers around me of the Disney tendency who have turned a ghostly pale on first reading. Might be a good sign eh?  Good job I’m an orphan. The title is indeed a lift of the Rihanna song because in the story, a couple of the characters sing it. 

Emma thinx: Freedom Air – calorie free seafood to inhale. 

"Wow – I’ve lost a stone!" Emma ejaculated.

Merely 4,250 calories = 8 days food

I originally started blogging when “Knockout” was published. Seemingly it was the thing that all aspiring scribettes needed to do. For the first six months I performed every day. Since then I have progressively reduced the output with surprising results. Yesterday for instance, some 200 hundred applauding fans flocked to worship at the shrine of my wondrous words. Or – perhaps not! 

My suspicion is that most of the views are conducted by some kind of Spam-a-vision. They leave anonymous comments about my genius and the need for the world to ejaculate more fully by using the tablets only available from their website. I’m with them on the assessment of my genius of course – but the other matter is rather beyond me.  Does any one else have blog issues with genius and ejaculation?

I am in France and sticking to my 5:2 diet. Yes, five different types of cheese and two glasses of wine to lubricate the follicles. Luckily I never omit an accompanying  substantial meal laced with blood purifying vampire slaying garlic to complete the evening. Oooh – you should have seen me at dinner with friends last week denying myself a third serving of full fat ham in liquid butter served with potatoes in melted cheese. I was so proud! Luckily there was some left for me to bring home.

Saint Saviinien  is so beautiful – even on a diet day there is loveliness

Of course, those are the five eat as you wish days. I have been ruthless on the two days of fasting. In France I have learned one thing. Denial is purely relative to temptation. We could call this the  DT index. Instead of all the statistics about financial inflation, happiness and climate we just need to know the DT ratio. Some places should warn that only experienced self deniers should enter. All French bakeries and cheese vendors would have to show their DT index on their shuttered shop windows. Oh why oh why is the best stuff so bad for you?

As big and as wide as a fasting novelists stomach

The good news….on the scales this morning I found that the world of Romantic fiction is now a whole stone (6.35 kgs) lighter. Accordingly I’m downsizing all future heroines by one size.
This diet is liveable and it works guys – it really does.

Emma thinx: Eat, shrink and be merry. 

Fast Food – Food Fast.

I’m just brazen with my grazin’

I’ve not been lounging about on these pages for a while. I’ve been writing, reading and dieting and to be frank, they don’t mix. I’m on the 5:2 fast diet since I thought it was about time I joined in a craze. Probably thousands of you are doing the same. 500 calories is not a lot but I can scrape by on it. I find it impossible to write because I feel so miserable and weak on the fast days. So far in three weeks I have lost 8 lbs. I have realised something important.  I now see that on a normal day I graze so much that if I caught the eye of a farmer he’d put a tag in my ear and pull me in for milking.

All the same, today is a big eat day. Oooh – steak and kidney pie with chips! That’s what I call a diet. Tomorrow is an anchovy fillet and a carrot baton for lunch followed by an air kiss and a glass of water for dinner. Talking of air kisses let me just say that a certain amount of gas can arise…….oooh – I don’t want to think about it. To be fair, my impression is that this regime does work. If you’re on it too please let me know your experiences.

Far more pleasure has flowed from my reading “Never Alone” by Linn Halton ( (Amazon UK). I’ve posted my review and you can see it below.

Until I read “Never Alone” I had never considered that what we call paranormal might in fact be more normal than our conditioned tendency to ignore what we call intuition. At first Holly and her partner Will have a beautiful and successful life. Holly’s encounter with a mysterious supernatural entity poses a problem in their lives far beyond the trauma of the incident itself. She is forced to examine her values and her own true character. She finds a new companionship with with a completely different group of people who appreciate her mysterious talent for spiritual consciousness. She begins to see the flaws in her life of materialistic ambition. Understandably, her new behaviour perplexes those around her and conflicts multiply as the action proceeds. Finally, of course she makes choices whilst the narrative explores her reconciliation with the idea of contact with “the other side” as a natural part of her life. Just at the point where you can see the story playing out to a predictable outcome based on what you thought you understood – it doesn’t!
This is a good well paced read. The characters are believable and very much of our current times. The author has a light touch which makes the book very easy to read. I enjoyed “Never Alone” and for me it merits a five star rating.

Emma Thinx: Too much moral fibre can blow your mind.