Emma Does ASDA Pulse Of The Nation – quirky veg is sexy! pic.twitter.com/vmoY6YrfqV

Posted on February 28, 2015 by emmacalin

Meet my buddy spuddy

It has just been Oscar season. The host opens the envelope and the winner is announced. Every year there is the Man-Booker literary prize shortlist. All the scribes are interviewed on posh BBC radio and eventually the winner is crowned. Huge cheques are awarded. Limos and red carpets enter our subliminal souls. Thousands cheer while rivals grind their teeth in bitter angst.

Until a couple of days ago I’d always just missed out on this stuff. Then it happened. Suddenly I was a selected one! ASDA (Walmart) chose me to be on their green “Pulse Of The Nation” forum. I became part of the great discussion on green behaviour and politics. Decades of playing trolley dodgems at ASDA had led up to this moment but I was soon to realize that my style of being green was a pathetic pastel imitation of the real thing. There are some fantastic folk out there.

Bottoms Up

There are people who buy and sell worms on e-bay. Then you nurture the little creatures on waste in a wormery. Then you separate the droppings from the worm urine and feed it to your veg’. There are people shredding up all the family scrap paper for chicken bedding. I thought I was being good by putting my old clothes in the rag bin. Some folk cut them up and use them a dish cloths. Of course, I’m also a bit of a carnivore and I know that’s not too green.

Once you start hording you just can’t stop

Once I realized that I was more green dwarf than giant I settled down to discuss what happens to pigs’ heads and trotters these days. I did get a bit passionate about misshapen veg. I revealed my tower of old tubs I can’t throw away because they contain other junk I can’t throw away. I also confessed to loving ASDA 3 for £10 deals. Well, you just never know when you’re going to need an extra pack of bacon.

So thank you ASDA for having me and thanks to all the folk who replied to my posts. I came across a fabulous librarian who loves crows and ferrets. People like us have to stick together. I’ve put up a few of the nutty photos I added to my inane comments.

Emma thinx: Against all the odds Time and Destiny chose YOU.

Corn On The Cob – It’s A Trojan Horse.

Posted on June 4, 2014 by emmacalin

A bitter sweet question of taste.

If one could only offer opinions on things where one had some knowledge I would be forced into silence.

But what about this genetic engineering business? The French have banned all GM Maize – otherwise known as corn on the cob. Did they think we didn’t realize it was crossed with a horse? Organic commandos have stormed a field armed with spades and bridles.

D and neigh.

Now comes the news that embryos may soon be produced using three parents in order to combat mitochondrial disease. I know we should be concerned but is this anything really new? A close friend of my mother confided that several American soldiers had fathered her war baby shortly before D Day. The child turned out perfect.

Bacchus to the future

While I was deep in intellectual contemplation of this issue I wandered into ASDA – the thinking woman’s outpost of Walmart. Right before my eyes was the proof that food detectives have sought for years. Yes – grapes developed to look like lemons. You only get four gramons to a bunch. The young lady filling the shelves told me there had been a mistake with the label. Hah! Do they expect me to believe that?

Emma Thinx: There’s no gene more dominant than hunger.

The Ghost In The Machine

Posted on November 1, 2011 by emmacalin

I’m beginning to lose the plot. Not only is it National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) and National Author’s day, but also it is the National-blog-everyday-for-a-month Fest (NaBloPoMo!). What I did not know until I went to ASDA was that it is also National Sausage Week here in the UK. Now come on guys, you’ve got to admit that all that literary stuff fades into the background compared to the English Sausage. I’m gonna be taking part in the slog the blog binge since I pump it out every day anyway. Seemingly sausage is now the number one meat choice in the UK. I do wonder if that is because it is relatively cheap. In recent years I have noted the sizzle of the gourmet sausage such as Venison and Tarragon endorsed by Igor Apronifico and similar culinary luminaries. I sometimes wonder how far this kind of kidology could go – maybe François Potagier’s Pheasant and Camomile Chipolatas? I reckon I know a few gourmo-snobs who would go for it.

Now – if you look at the above pic you may well wonder what it is. Last night was of course Halloween (La Toussaint). Eventually I heard a noise outside and took a shot with my camera hoping to startle them with the flash. After they had retreated with their haul of sweets I checked out the photograph. Now – perhaps the flash didn’t work or perhaps I was shaking with fear or perhaps……the Unthinkable. It all looks a bit spooky to me. Could be a whole new genre.

The headline shot today was sent by a friend in France who knows I am temping as a school bus driver. I believe the photo is from Morocco. Now, I know I complain a bit about my lot in life but well, all things are relative. I’m just so pleased that the bosses of the bus company are unlikely to see this image. I bet you there’s some bright shiny young thing with a modern tie and spiky gelled hair who’s just dying to wow them at the next cost cutting brainstorm meeting.

I note that as a foreigner I can’t win any of the NaBloPoMo Blogfest prizes. Well, I do not suppose I would be in the running but come on ….we gave the Fonz an MBE, or rather the Queen did. Next time I take tea with Her Majesty I may well raise the matter, although generally she raises this kind of issue with me first.

I’ve been walking quietly in the soft low sun as if I were still a poet. In the end my poem was one line, but so are we are we not?