Royal Diet – Let them eat cakes! pic.twitter.com/IZHc6rHmx8

I do not struggle with my weight. My weight struggles with me and owing to its superior artillery of temptation, I don’t resist.  Until now! 

I have joined the underground resistance. I’m working by sabotage and secrecy – so much so that I’ve not even told myself I’m dieting. In that way if I’m captured and tortured by the Guessmyweightstapo with a chocolate eclair I will not give myself away. I’ll just eat it so as not to betray my secret plan.

So, I’m on a pleasure based diet. This means long country walks, poetic contemplation and writing ‘Passion Patrol 3′ in my head.

Oh Cinders – I shall go to the ball at the Hall when I can get into my dress


Today my route took me to the grounds of Broadlands House in Hampshire England.  This is the stately home of Lord Romsey who inherited when Lord Mountbatten (cousin of the Queen and uncle of the Duke of Edinburgh) was assassinated during the Irish troubles. Prince Charles went to the scene a few days ago. I’m not a royalist groupie but I like the guy. He’s been in trouble for writing to ministers about providing better kit for the poor old squaddies who fight for us. Well – Good on ya mate. If they don’t like it ride down to parliament and close’em down.

My path to bodily perfection and infinity

My new royal protection squad heroine was feeling the surge and pulse of life in her inner core longing for release as she took in the view through my eyes this afternoon. Well – maybe it was me rumbling…..but I’m pretty sure the earth moved.

‘The Sane Max’ – Passion Patrol 3  – coming soon to an e-reader near you. 


So here I am on my long and winding road to health and fitness.  Have you ever been on a secret diet? What tips would you share to keep me on track?






Emma Thinx: The straight and narrow only works if the Earth is flat

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The Wisdom Of Crows

Say Cheese

How long could I live if I were cast out into the wild? What use would be all my knowledge of the algorithms of Amazon or the price of peas in Walmart. I could live off my stored adipose reserves for longer than most, but quite soon I would fall from my perch.

I can never see the rooks in the garden without musing on these thoughts. These creatures live through wind, rain, ice and drought year after year. Estimates suggest that some can live for thirty years. I have a favourite whom I call HB, on account of his hooked beak. There is no easy way of sexing rooks. I assume he is male because he reminds very much of the Duke of Edinburgh. I first saw him seven years ago on the lawn.

Regal Rook

He was already a full adult so he must have been about four years old at least. HB is the most engaging creature I have ever encountered. He finds ways of eating almost anything. He takes any dry food to the drinking pot and soaks it for a while. He digs holes to hide spare food. When all the younger rooks flap off in a fright HB stands still, hands behind his back in Prince Philip mode and watches the situation.My guess is that he is completely politically incorrect. He then finishes all the food. We often look at each other. How I would love to communicate with this animal or indeed any member of the royal family. Recently I’ve been writing some children’s stories and of course, the great wisdom of the world calls to us from the high trees of the crows.

Prince Philip


The rook is a social bird with youngsters not breeding for several years. Instead they stay at home and help with younger family members. In short they are the most wonderfully intelligent and adapted creature. Few could fail to admire them. I’d like to think we humans are at least equally aware of our problems and solutions. Sadly, a lot of the evidence is to the contrary.

I think that there are few problems on the Earth that we could not solve. That is a fairly staggering idea isn’t it. Focusing the beam of human mind power and resources onto structured priorities is rather ambitious. But does anyone think we could not do that? I bet the rooks think we’re bright enough. I bet Prince Charles would agree.

Recently I came across a London based group of charismatic,highly engaged and intelligent young people. They have created a website with a simple ambition. There are problems. There are solutions. All you have to do with join them up. You create the software to navigate through the issues and link up the resources. Everyone can join in with a spade, microscope or whatever they can bring. They have created a prototype tool which you can see demonstrated here:

http://youtu.be/5JJ6Xr-9YkQ

Rather than me droning on about their merits, check out these guys. They have also developed some smooth video producers. All is not lost guys – there’s a new generation out there trying to save us decadent old soaks from our follies. Whatever the result I know a rook who’ll be working out what to do whichever way it all shakes down


Emma Thinx: Joined up writing needed feathers. Think wild.