Shove Story

It’s a girl! Carla Bruni has had her baby. Que je suis contente pour eux. She is 43 and likes a drink and a smoke. Apparently her husband (President Sarko) popped out of the office to have a squint at events for half an hour. Then he had to get back to world saving duties. My ex husband was delivering a load of floor tiles up North with his lorry when I produced my last one. Well, if you’ve seen one you’ve seen ’em all and there were queues waiting in Halifax for cut price mosaic kitchen floors. We also needed the money. The word is that there will be no pictures of the baby and no publicity at all. Ah come on guys….let’s have just a little glimpse. There’s an election coming up and Sarko is on the floor in the polls. Surely a president and a super-model First Lady turned pop singer aren’t that shy.(Check out her singing style here) I doubt a few pictures would harm the babe. I don’t think the socialist candidate  Francois Hollande can come up with a baby or a pop singer wife in time. They call him Mr Normal, but he has announced  some more fashionable spectacles. Looks like it’s gonna be ferocious. If I were a PR guy I’d have Carla cradling the babe and warbling a number one single lullaby whilst wrapped in the French Flag.

Trouble on the bus. Testosterone fuelled aggression flared as one lad was assailed for sitting next to a girl of another boy’s dreams. I intervened and sat the female on the front seat on her own. This allowed her to turn round and argue with both of her suitors. By the time we reached college she was in tears. I advised her to chill and think nice thoughts. She ran off to inform the Authorities. I can see case conferences and procedures being invoked. I hope they leave me alone. I think I’m developing a spectrum.

Colonel Gaddafi is dead. I guess no one could mourn his passing, but the grainy mobile phone footage of a bloody corpse and accounts of his death seemed to me to lack nobility. The mobile phone shots of Saddam Hussein being hanged gave me a similar sensation. On a pragmatic basis I can see that a trial could well have held open wounds and divisions. Very probably I’m too much of a cissy to enjoy Revolution.

Emma thinx: One revolution brings you to where you started. Two revolutions bring you to your knees. Three revolutions bring you to your senses.

War Horses

A man has appeared in court in London charged with assaulting a police dog that was chasing him. Somehow I suspect that if he had assaulted a police officer very little would have been made of it. The alleged villain is called Lukasz Sklepowski, 28 years of no fixed address. The dog is named “Zincan”. I bet the get well cards and choco dog treats are already arriving at Scotland Yard. In 1982 a horse of the household Cavalry was injured in a terrorist nail bomb outrage in London. The horse received more cards and gifts than all the soldiers killed and injured that day. Sefton eventually recovered enough to return to duty. It was probably the biggest PR mistake that the IRA ever made. To me it seems only fair that poor beasts with no choice should be seen as special heroes. Those old newsreel shots of mules being craned onto boats to go to war do pull a tender chord. 

Of course it is romantic to think of Mountain Rescue Dogs. Given the chance I would like to go out with rugged guys and rescue mountains in return for some chocolate and a head massage. All manner of special rescue and crotch sniffing drug dogs deserve our applause. Some working mutts will never make the front page, yet their contribution to our lives is beyond price. We need look no further than Alf – the workshop dog. Imagine the problem of a bus coming back from a trip with football supporters. In addition to beer cans, sweet wrappings and crisp packets, there are certain to be all manner of Kentucky fried wings and burger bits all around the cabin. Alf is placed on board by his handler and within minutes every shred of chicken batter and burger bap is discovered and devoured. If ever a dog deserves the eco-reycle medal of gallantry it is Alf.

I’ve just come back from the movies where I have been watching Woody Allen’s Midnight in Paris. This is a simply fabulous film. It is witty, philosophical and just so sumptuously photographed. It is worth seeing just for the pictures of Paris. There is a great cameo role by Carla Bruni, wife of President Sarkozy. I always find that kinda stuff weird – like watching a U.S. president in a cowboy film. Nah – that’s just too far fetched.

Emma thinx: A spider would make 2 four legged friends