Author Archives: emmacalin

Wet Kissing Hairy Hunks In The UK – Moustaches for #Movember @RUSHHairBeauty @HitLitPRo

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RUSH to show off my book

Vanity, thy name is Emma. Today was salon day. Beauty creating fingers pampered my follicles. Anyway – grey is closer to blonde than my brunette ever was. I’m maturing towards the target of my true self. 

I have wonderful hairdressers at the RUSH Hair and Beauty Salon in Southampton. These guys are like personality heart surgeons. You go in as a tousled tramp and come out femme fatale. Good job I had an old ASDA carrier bag in my pocket to protect my new goldilocks from the latest Atlantic gale.

We are now 11 days into Movember. In our house things are getting hairy and it’s time for a snog report. I’ve always loved a good snog. An interesting fact is that unfaithful men and women will have extra sexual intercourse with the betrayed partner (due to increased arousal stimuli)  but withdraw from kissing them. It’s obvious really isn’t it. Kissing is far more intimate and – well – the other stuff is just shameless lounging by the gene pool with a spreading warmth of wine in your belly. Oooh – writing about kissing brings out my inner sun.

So – when the touch of true love gets hairy – does the emotion keep flotion? My response is that the old boy still snogs up fine. His response is that it pushes bristles up his nose and loses the moment. I tell him that orgasm is a sneeze in the soul for a woman. He tells me that in that case, for a man, it’s a runny nose.

That’s why only women can write romance.

Get the book on Amazon Worldwide – all proceeds to Movember

Emma thinx: If it’s right, the erogenous zone is you. 





Taunton Literary Festival Book Fair

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I explain to Candy Bright my interest in male physiology

Recently I was reading a guru scribe. I’m beginning to feel like the old lady in the song who swallowed a guru. She swallowed the guru to catch the guru but I don’t know why she swallowed the guru. Perhaps she’ll write….

This particular guru was explaining to me that any writer who used the expression “It had started to rain/boil/dance etc” was unworthy of their scribe-sista badge, author-pride epaulets and keyboard panties. Such expressions are the mark of the amateur, an all together lower creature.

Oscar’s work is so heavy that it takes two poets to hold a slim book


So it was that as I arrived in Taunton for the Literary Festival book fair it started to rain. I saw it start. Yes I did.  The car suddenly became a mini submarine in an episode of the Blue Planet. Oscar tried to sound like David Attenborough by explaining “Here in the deepest of deeps, biologists are starting to identify thousands of gurus no man has ever read.”

Oh yes – it rained. At the hall everything was fine and welcoming.

Paul Tobin shows off his “Flash Words” collection.

Truth to tell, the rain kept the event more or less punter free. Well, they’re an awkward lot anyway! Far better to stick with fellow scribblers. I bought and swapped a heap of books and met some great literoids. It is just amazing what is out there beyond my own intergalactic marketing empire. I’ve got books to read by Paul Tobin, Zoe Ainsworth-Grigg,Victor Godrich, Howard Lewis, Paul Mortimer and Sinéad  Gillespie. I wanted to get one from Candy Bright but I’ve already got them.  All you guys stand by for blogs and reviews.


Oscar did a short reading with the Juncture 25 poetry group. Last time he spoke in public was a court appearance for parking. The beaks weren’t impressed by his use of yellow line breaks. He did better this time – well, no £60 fine but I’m not sure if the dog was that interested. Oh yes – there was a lovely waggy dog. Novelists archive this kind of fun for rainy days.

All human life is there. Should keep me quiet for a while.

I had a convivial time chatting to old comrades and meeting other writers. Oscar had the chance to explain his Movember hairs and demonstrate to a young punter how to locate his prostate. We got out of town before the police arrived.

Thanks for having us in Somerset guys.
Things got hairy with my CIA Engineer

While I’ve been writing, a gorgeous young bearded guy came to fix the burglar alarm. He’s in full Movember mode including his chest(!) and doing his bit for men’s health. I couldn’t miss the chance to get a snap with Paul Doherty of CIA Alarms. He was a great sport and took his embarrassment as part of his professional duty.  With CIA the customer is always right.

Emma Thinx: Digital authors don’t do hard sell.








#AlexFromTarget Goes Canine pic.twitter.com/tztvTfGb8q

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You can call me Alex

OK – this is true. A teenage girl in Texas sees a hot guy in a Target store. She gets a picture of him and sends it to her friend. Somehow it goes viral in a way that makes Ebola seem like evolution in slow motion. The world goes into a frenzy of joy, lust and greed. Alex from Target is the hottest commercial property on the planet. They’re making a video game and branding cosmetics in his image and name. Ghost writers are queuing to write his life story. Offers of film stardom…..blah blah blah. Even French TV knocks President Hollande off the top of the News to cover the story. 

. Viral Alex It’s a dog’s life at the checkout



OK – this is true. A romantic novelist in France sees the cutest ever dog at a restaurant. She takes a snap and puts it on her blog. She waits. Let’s see the true power of the internet. Believe me – this pooch had real tight balls and wasn’t afraid to walk around with them sticking out. You don’t get that in Target.




Emma Thinx: Pursuit of the trivial is a game called business. 






Postcard From Saintes

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La cathedrale Saint Pierre

On a beautifully warm and still November day I wandered around the town of Saintes in Charente-Maritime France. It is only a few kilometres from my home. It is a place with a dignified charm and timeless sense of calm.

You can’t help but look up

The Charente river flows on through. In the summer folks on pleasure cruises wave as they pass. As I strolled along I kinda felt that the river itself was waving as it trailed a languid wistful hand along the banks on the way to the Atlantic.

Creating this much calm must have taken a lot of work

The day was perfect. The same sort of day must have warmed the Romans when they were the masters here. It would never surprise me to see a senator proclaiming a new decree by the Arch of Germanicus. In a novel this would be a place to let my characters fall in love. As always I had my camera and send you my little post card. There are many monuments and buildings in the town. I want only to convey a flavour of the place – it’s emotional quarter. As I got in the car to drive there I paused at my fig tree. There in the mellow kiss of the sun were ripened fruit. My heart and senses tacked on to the long queue that led from

My figurative baton

history to this very moment. Other eyes, other lovers, other hands had held such fruit as these for centuries. They are a baton in the relay race of life. Me – I won’t let go to waiting runners – I need more laps while there is such fruit to gather and to love.



Emma Thinx: There is no history of true love. Not one has yet died.


Jane Austen Is Doing It For Mr Darcy #I’mDoingItForHim @Hitlitpro

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Let’s Hair it For The Boys!


“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a moustache.“

This famous quote from “Pride and Prejudice” shows how seriously Jane Austen took the issue of men’s health. Few people realise that she wore a symbolic moustache in order to support the Movember charity. 

For her foresight and charitable heart the honorary title of Mo-Sista is conferred upon her by the girls at Hit Lit Pro.  I know that if she were alive today she would be doing it for her Mr Darcy and checking out his sexy bits before he pulled on those revealing breeches. 

Joining Jane Austen are some modern day literary Mo-Sistas who are doing it for their men both in fact and in fiction: Caroline James Jenny Harper, Linn B Halton, Mandy Baggot, Nikki Mason, Rosie Dean, Sheryl Browne, Zara Stoneley and ME.  Let’s Hear It For The Boys! is the title and all proceeds go to the Movember charity. 



Emma Thinx: Female has factor x and male knows y. 



Emma’s Spare Tyre Tummy Award Goes Gourmet in France

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Canard – The first bite is with the eyes. Then you taste with your heart and enjoy with your soul. 

The French have many words to express culinary excellence. They have cordon bleu chefs and haute cuisine. My favourite term is La Gourmandise which kinda expresses a perfection of pleasure. It takes into account the ambiance and the sheer joy of tasting a wonderful meal. 

Monk fish – too good to eat, so you savour slowly

A few days ago I had lunch in the village of Taillebourg which lies alongside the beautiful Charente river. This was not the first time I had visited “L’Auberge des Glycines”. You can check out my previous post here.

Between us we tasted duck, sea bass, filets de rouget, monk fish, souffle with grand marnier and on and on. We had a pichet of the house Bordeaux red which was as full and smooth as anything I’ve tasted anywhere.

An experience of beauty

Clearly the guys who run this place take pride in their work. It seems to me that they have a passion to provide an experience of beauty. They sure do succeed. 

Inside there’s chocolate and caramel…..



My warmest thanks to “L’Auberge des Glycines”. They top the list of Emma’s Spare Tyre Tummy Awards.

P.S. They have the cutest boxer dog!

Je suis français, but you can call me Winston.








Elsewhere in life, we are now in Movember. I’m gearing up the machine to draw attention to myself – this time for a good cause as a ‘Mo Sista’. The local press have just been on the phone. Oooh – let’s hope we sell truck loads of the Movember anthology ‘Let’s Hear it For the Boys’.



Emma thinx: Take the male out of Female and you find the iron lady




#Romance Girls Man up for #Movember Anthology @HitLitPro #I’mDoingItForHim #IBoughtTheBook

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Okay – so what if I’m not a blonde – my hormones are blonde


‘Let’s Hear It For The Boys’
A HitLitPro Anthology
Now, I’m not going to leave a couple of important issues dangling. Yes, it’s all about those things men have got and we sistas ain’t got. When we’re talking about men’s health we’re talking about the stuff men like women to believe is enormous and then pretend to themselves they haven’t got at all. We’re not talking about their golf clubs or toy train collection. It’s the engine of the sort of stuff I write. Without the heroic deep voiced gonad gauchos I’d be out of business. The truth is that the poor dears would rather rope a bull than admit they have a problem. They have other health issues like banging their skulls unblocking the sink trap and inability to walk when they get a cold. The sad truth is that they ignore the serious stuff. 



Mo Sistas, it’s time to step up…

Perhaps one of the men close to you (brother, husband, son, friend…) joins in with the moustachioed adventure that happens every November. Around the world it’s the month that has literally changed its name, as the global organisation, Movember, leads the way in changing the face of men’s health.
This year it is time for the ladies to step up and grab the moustache baton. While we Mo Sistas may be follicly challenged about the face, we do have the power of words at our fingertips.
Mein hair and me

Let’s Hear It For The Boys is a tribute to the men of Movember. The HitLitPro authors have created these 9 short stories to celebrate men in our lives, the effect they have on our hearts, our minds (and our bodies) and the difference they can make to the world around them. 

The authors are: Caroline James, Jenny Harper, Linn B Halton, Mandy Baggot, Nikki Mason, Rosie Dean, Sheryl Browne Zara Stoneley and of course me!

The book is out on Amazon worldwide from the 1st November 

2014 and all profits go to the Movember charity.

http://smarturl.it/LetsHearItForTheBoys


Life Came Out Of The Sea. That’s Why She’s A Beach.

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If Life is a beach for Pete’s sake sit on a sandy one

Of course I am back home in France. I’ve been munching the molluscs, philandering with the fromages and crunching the crusts. I’m lost in an allegory of alimentary alliteration.  I tell everyone that I’m on a diet – well I am. It’s the French diet and it’s so easy that it’s gonna be the next Rockbuster. Before every meal you run upstairs and put on a beret and stripey jumper. The extra exercise compensates for those few additional calories. For best results you need to live in a lighthouse.

Oxytocin is the formula for love. You can.cook this up this at home! 


The diet only works if you take a vitamin D and serotonin supplement in the form of sunbathing. Charente-Maritime usually obliges with plenty of hot sun even at this time of year. The endless sandy beaches, the muscular young surfer dudes and dudettes put on a live show for us serious health freaks on the serotonin highway. As the sun shines through the top of the breaking waves you can feel the pulse of life all the way through to your oxytocins.  Oooh – it’s a real shudder in your rudder just to be alive here. 

This is my mo-man


You will have noted my intense interest in technical hormonal matters. Recently I’ve been involved in a secret project very much concerned with health consciousness. Today I am not able to reveal too much. I can’t resist a little tease. I took the hair cutting tools to my man and created a special Mohican style. I’ve called it the Mo-stash. Can you guess why?



Emma thinx:   Femme is fatale. Sistas get whiskas. 





Emma Spare Tyre Tummy Award Gets Real In London

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As English as a red bus, as warm as a smile in the eyes. 

In my new role as glitzy guru-go-gal I travelled to London. What a place it is these days. I zoomed in on an express train. I took a fast launch up the Thames from Waterloo to Greenwich by the O2 Arena.  I soared across the Thames on the Emirates Air Line cable car and boarded the Docklands Light Railway to Stratford. And then things got even better…..

Quantum Cloud by Anthony Gormley. Spot the man in the cloud.



I arrived at the Railway Tavern, 131 Angel Lane, Stratford, London E15 1DB. In this hotel world of chrome and glass logo splattered corporate spam, I had arrived at an oasis. This is a real London pub with old fashioned service and hospitality. The proprietors Tom and Jan Dooner just could not do enough to make me comfortable. I had dinner of first class fish and chips. I slept well and started the day on a full English breakfast that was FULL and ENGLISH. Oooh, I’m thinking back to those thick slices of juicy bacon, sausage, tomatoes, fried egg, baked beans and all the toast you could dream of. Naturally, there were generous pots of hot strong English tea and all the options of cereals, fruit and Muesli. Next time I go to London, this is where I’m going and I’d advise anyone to do the same. Go on! Let go and award yourself a treat – you deserve it. I won’t tip off the cholesterol cops. You ain’t gonna get the chance ev’ry day are ya?

In short me old muckers – this place is gem. The staff are diamond geezers. It takes its place in the Cosmo-international hall of fame that is the Emma’s Spare Tyre Tummy Award. If you want genuine London, value for money, warm hospitality, a great bed  and a right old hard core cockney nosh up – this is where to go.

Michelin stars are trailing behind the spare tyre tummy awards. Book soon before the snobs catch up and get real.


Emma Thinx: You can put lipstick on a pig but you can’t fake a bacon breakfast.  






Sister Act Gets Technical

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Guru Gal Struts Her Stuff With Steam Punk Laptop                                

Imagine waking up one morning and finding yourself re-branded as a guru. Could anyone seriously believe that I know enough about anything to advise others? Surely this world is run by folk who are competent. Ah well – maybe not when you think about it!

So, I was honoured and flattered to be invited to address some young women on the subject of e publishing, audio books and getting a life in the modern IT world. Most young folk I know are miles ahead of me with apps and snaps I’ve never heard of. 

Even so, thanks to the dynamic Jo Tasker, organiser of “Technopop” at the London Olympic site, I turned up on Thursday to be an inspirational dame for a group of young women. The idea was to geek up the gals and motivate the maidens for a full frontal assault on the testosterone towers of male techno dominance. Just being there made me feel important. Paris may be the city of lovers. London is the city of shovers. It’s a beehive of bustle.

Old and new London in the same old flow



There’s only one thing more daunting than a room filled with teenage girls – and that’s a room filled with hungry teenage girls in the slot before lunch. Oooh – I know that rumble! All the same I strutted my stuff and told them the tale. Since my romance titles are hardly suitable for young ladies, I had to create a series of children’s books to use as a case study. Guess what they really wanted to know about? Yes, the hunky Romance heroes. After their ordeal at my hands the girls made off for food. I collapsed with exhaustion and relief. During my lecture I had tipped a bottle of water into my computer. Luckily it’s an old steam punk model. Of course this was to demonstrate my technical skills. I do like a bit of slapstick. 

A shout out for Danny who fitted my microphone. As he slotted my audio body pack under my top he told me I had the oldest equipment he’d ever seen. I didn’t know how to respond until I saw he was staring at my lap top. I was quite worried for a moment.

All the admin for my visit was sorted out by the efficient and helpful Wendy Godley. She deserves my thanks.


Technopop is on until 2nd November and is free entry for children and students. 



Emma thinx: Modernity – updates are ready to download.