Robert Galbraith – First Pictures ;-)

The author and close friend Bob Galbraith after the publisher’s party

Oooh – I’ve been listening to posh BBC radio over breakfast. The main subject has been that wizard of an author Robert Galbraith. This red headed porridge gobbler has fooled the world for the last sixteen years or so by masquerading as a female novelist using the pseudonym JK Rowling. Those of us industry insiders who know Robert (or Bobby to his mates) Galbraith personally are not surprised. I’ll never forget his appearance in drag at the Random Penguin Christmas party two years ago. It was only the haggis fragments in his stubble that gave him away. Bob Galbraith – I salute you. You never fooled me of course, but it was great while it lasted. Who knows what other secrets lie undiscovered in the mysterious hyper- murk of the super-scribes? 


And NOW……The prize winners in my ‘Love In A Hopeless Place’ launch competition. All winners were selected by Rafflecopter. In addition all winners will receive a Kindle copy of the soon-to-be launched ‘Love In A Hopeless Place Collection’ featuring all five stories.

Linn Halton wins a large tattoo.
Petra Rovere wins a Seahorse Club pin.
Carol Wyer wins a pack of Pleasuremax ribbed condoms
Nicky Wells wins a glitterball key ring
Barbara Brannon White wins a copy of Love In A Hopeless

Place (Now upgraded to the whole collection!).


Regulars on here may recall that all of these items feature in the story. If any TV producer out there wants an idea for a  celebrity vehicle show how about this? You get a couple of famous scribblers such as Robert (Bobby) Galbraith and Emma Calin. You give them each a team of coked-up celebs and a bag of props. They write a story based on them which is then performed by celebrity chefs. You could call it “Ready Steady Book”. Wow – I’m gonna be rich.

And finally, my latest book, a ‘boxed set’ of five novelettes and short stories: 
 “Love In A Hopeless Place Collection” 
launches on Thursday 18th July. 
I’m gonna be on all kinds of blogs blowing my own trumpet trombone…




17th July Anneli Purchase
20th July Sheryl Browne
21st July Nicky Wells
23rd July Miriam Wakerly
26th July Patricia Sands


Emma Thinx: Identities are easy. Finding yourself is tough.






Calling all authors: have you thought about turning your novel into an audiobook? Why you should and how to do it…

Gypsie Rosalee’s fortune telling tent?  No – it’s Jasper de Montfort (really?) in his DIY sound booth!
After my recent post on Venture Galleries “Hooks, Hopes, and Dialogue. Would you rather read or be read to?” I had a couple of comments asking for more information about the costs of creating an audiobook version of a novel and whether it was worth the investment? The following post is based on my response back to these queries.
So, how much does it cost to get your book into audio format?  The costs depend on how far you want to push the boat out – use an actor (prices vary depending on experience/fame levels etc) or record it and edit it yourself?
Some actors will take a royalty share but most want a fee as there is significant work involved producing an audiobook.  Typically they charge a fee that includes the editing – so you get  a price per finished hour of audio – which can vary from $200-$400. So for a 90,000 word book, this would come out at around 10 hours of finished audio – costing between $2000 and $4000.
The Gentleman and The Rogue is now a finished audiobook which I produced on behalf of Summer Devon and Bonnie Dee (the authors) via ACX.  For this I received a $900 up-front bonus stipend and will get  half the royalties on any sales.  
The narrator then usually records a 30 minute sample – the first 3500 words – for approval.  This is the last chance for the author to request any change of style or accent etc and is the basis for the way that the rest of the book will be recorded. The next time the author is contacted will be with the whole book for final approval.This may sound steep – but  a 10 hour finished book will have at least 75 hours of solid work behind it – recording, editing and final quality check (it takes 10 hours just to listen to it!). If you divide it out, this is paying the actor about $27 per hour on the lower rate – which is not not excessive for a professional running a business.   However, it is money that would be paid before any sales – if you can get the actor to agree to a split-royalty deal (usually they will want 50%) then it makes it easier to achieve.  Audible have many such actors on ACX.com.  
For those of you who haven’t visited ACX – you should – it is a brilliant uploading service for independent producers and authors.  They allow authors to advertise for the type of narrator they would like (accent, age, style etc) and provide an audition text for any interested party to use to record a sound test.  The auditions come in, the author selects the one they like best and then the narrator goes off to do the work.   It is a really simple utility to use and it marries authors and producers up and handles contracts, payments, sign offs etc and then gets the finished job up onto Amazon, Audible and iTunes.  They offer all sorts of payment options for producers – including royalty splits and they then handle the payments to you when the book sales start flooding in….  With this option your outlay is minimal – you are just sacrificing half your future royalties.  If you are lucky to have a book that sells well on Amazon, ACX may earmark your book by adding their own stipend bonus payment to encourage producers to audition for your book (this is usually $100 per thousand words and is paid for by ACX – not the author!!).
The other option to creating your audiobook is the DIY method. However – do not underestimate this task.  It may sound like a way of saving a couple of thousand dollars or keeping all the royalties for yourself – I have narrated some of my own books and believe me,  it’s harder than you would imagine.  To be frank, some folk just cannot read a story out loud – even if they wrote it. Whilst it’s great to be able to advertise the  ‘authentic voice of the author’ – you need to be honest about this and maybe get a friend to tell you if your reading voice sucks.  Don’t be offended by the truth – it is a skill that actors train for years to achieve.  I know that my voice is not ideal – I have too much ‘S’ sound (teccie term – sibilance) but some of this can be filtered out post-recording. I am also prone to drone and have to re-record many times before I get the level of animation that I think is needed.
Try a  no-cost test : download Audacity (free) and record yourself reading  a couple of pages from one of your  books using the mic on your computer. Play it back  – close your eyes and listen – are you able to sound animated? Do you tell the  story or is it just a flat reading? Can you differentiate between the characters if there is dialogue? Would you be happy to pay $20 to listen to your style of delivery for 10 hours? My impression is that many of the most successful narrators are outgoing Thespians rather than those tormented taciturn screenopath scribes.
As an alternative to doing a whole book, you could try having a practice on a poem or other inspirational text. When I was considering the audio option I recorded one of my own poems and put it up on you tube. I made a video and dubbed in the soundtrack. I found this a valuable experience and you may just end up with a work of art. In any event it will paste your name on just a little more of the wall of life.  You do not need to make a video – a morphing still shot sequence works well (I use One True Media which is easy peasy to use and free but there are many other packages out there e.g Windows Movie Maker). My poem has now had about 1100 views – so that means my “brand” has just a little more exposure.  Also – I find that doing this kind of stuff makes me feel a bit more like an “ARTIST”. Writing Romance means you have to let go and really dig out those juicy feelings that might embarrass your neighbour.  Actor types have that  unembarrassed confidence to express feelings and some of that has fed back into my writing even though I am no actress.
In terms of the 75 hours work to get a book done – this is quite a lot of time to find in a busy author’s day.  It will stop you from writing/living for around two weeks solid – or longer if you have other commitments – e.g. food/sleep/conversation with spouse.   Bear in mind that in reality it’s difficult to do more than about 20 mins recording at a time – your voice gets tired and it’s difficult to be “in character” and maintain an accent or voice for much longer. This is when you  start to make lots of mistakes – and that means retakes. So the recording may take much longer than you expect!  At least if it’s at home you can have rests and do other jobs in between, or run off and refresh with a “cuppa’”and some contact with the outside world!.
The good news is – It’s relatively cheap to set up a home-studio as there is excellent free software available (e.g. Audacity) and a reasonable quality podcast microphone, stand, ‘pop screen’ and headphones can be acquired for less than $200.  I got mine from Amazon.
Once you have recorded the whole book – then comes the production phase – editing (removing errors and chopping into suitable file sizes) and “mastering” (smoothing out the ‘S’ for my voice, making sure the chapters have consistent sound levels, preparing them for upload to Audible via ACX etc).
Editing an audiobook  is a painstaking job – removing the errors from the recording and maybe adding in pauses for effect or cutting long gaps to smooth out dialogue.  In addition you have to be listening out for and then remove, all the  strange wheezes and pops, coughs and clunks and stomach gurgles that somehow get onto the track.  Add to this the removal of odd external street noises (police sirens, dogs barking etc) which are inevitable if you do not record in a sound-proofed room or have a directional mic.  There is some art involved in this – deciding to leave a noisy breath in the middle of a sentence or removing one from the beginning of a phrase will depend on the flow and context of the passage.  Many authors have not planned in advance for a paragraph to be read aloud and this makes the job of the recording artist quite a challenge.  Frequently there are gaspings as the poor actor struggles to get in enough air after a long sentence with many sub-clauses or commas!
Some work could only ever be read by the author. One of my favourite possessions is a CD of Bukowski reading his own poems. The quality is appalling. He sounds drunk and slurred, there are all manner of clunks, gasps, groans, snorts and cigarette sucking sounds. It is entirely unprofessional with a  “stuff you if you don’t like it” tone. However, this is its quality and value. My guess is that it would not get past the ACX technical checking department.
When the whole book is finished, it needs to be divided into suitably-sized chapters – I tend to keep mine to around 20 minutes wherever possible as I find this is a popular length for the listener.   I then upload each chapter onto ACX – this is a very smooth process, the ACX site is so well organised and easy to use.  The author is expected to listen to the whole thing and approve it – or request any (hopefully minor!) changes.  If you are doing your own book yourself, you will have the satisfaction of signing yourself off!   It’s then a case of waiting for ACX to check the quality of your recording and then load it up onto Amazon, Audible and iTunes.  This is a nail-biting time and can last as long as four weeks.
Then joy – your audiobook appears on sale to the public..  I was quite shocked at the premium prices that are paid for audiobooks – especially if bought as a one-off impulse buy – we are talking around $20 for a 10 hour book compared to a typical Kindle price of $5 for this length of book (90000 words).  The deal on ACX is great – they take half the money and split the other half between the author and the producer (who then has to pay the narrator).  So the author gets $5 per sale – which is far better return than on the Kindle version.  However, most people into audiobooks have subscriptions to Audible, iTunes etc and use their monthly credit allowance, so the income for the purchase is reduced. So far, sales of the book I have on sale on ACX have been 50/50 between full price and monthly credits – so averaging about  $3.50 per sale to me as the producer.
So for authors thinking about audiobooks –  using an ACX narrator on the split-royalty deal will give you an audiobook for no up-front outlay, that brings in at least the same yield as your Kindle version and the added bonus of an additional medium in which to expose your work.
If you were happy to do the recording and editing yourself, as author and producer – you would  would get twice this – $7 which is much higher than the Kindle royalties but you will have had to invest the 75 hours of your time to create the audiobook. There is only one question.  Are you an introspective focused writer or an outgoing thespian – some lucky souls  are both.  If you are not, ask this question: would you hire an amateur nuclear power station designer?  Personally, I think both options give you a cost-effective means of getting your stories in front of a wider audience.
Those of you in the USA have the wonderful resource of ACX at your disposal. On their site you will find all manner of help and advice. Youtube carries tutorials on voice coaching and accent development. In the great knowledgewurst-of-infinite-everything sausage, every possible resource is there on the net.
Sadly, at present ACX is closed to non US citizens even though there are hordes of writers looking for British-English narrators and equally, scores of  British authors desperate to get their books out into the audio arena. This ban has now been applied to me and I can no longer put books out on ACX. We live in hope. We keep our narrators revved up, we are recording all our books ready for that moment and we know that we produce the goods that sell. If you have to good fortune to live in the USA, then ACX is the platform.
Based on my post for The VG Authors Collection (click the badge to find more)

‘Love in a Hopeless Place’ Live Launch Party with Giveaways

Welcome to the launch party for my new novelette – a gritty romance called 

‘Love in a Hopeless Place’

You can find the book here

Thank you for coming along!

I just fancied a quick ‘apéro’, to say hello and introduce you to this final book in my novelette and short story series, following on from ‘Sub-Prime’, ‘The Chosen’ and ‘Escape To Love’.  

I’ll only keep you here for half an hour or so – with some excerpts, music from the book, virtual drinks, nibbles and some prizes – props from the book!  

[This post will grow as I add more information during the launch – please check back for updates. If you come to the post after 8pm on 19th June it will be complete and probably rather longer than my usual posts!]

First of all let’s get the party going with the starter track on my playlist…. just click the box below to listen.

This is the song that is playing at the start of Chapter 1…  arguably a catalyst for the events that follow.

Picture the scene…  a Working Men’s Club…  a “do” for the employees of a local warehousing business…

In the words of Lyn, the first person narrator of this tale, here is the  opening paragraph of the book:

You can’t blame the music for what happened. You can’t blame the budget-brand vodka or the own-brand cola.  You can’t blame anyone but me and the great gaping hole I used to know as ME.”


As we’re talking drinks and this is a party – anyone for a glass of bubbly to celebrate with me?



Back to Lyn and her colleagues:

“It was a big Friday feeling with a gap-toothed glitter ball and spotlights with their faded pink cellophane glamour.” 

Get the picture? 

Now it’s time for the first little competition.  As I mentioned when you arrived, the prizes are all props from the story…  I will reveal them during the course of the party.  To be in the draw for all the prizes (one per person) fill in the rafflecopter below…

And the first prize out of the hat will be… a rather lovely disco glitter ball (on a keyring!)


Enter your details once below, to have a chance to win this or one of the other prizes coming up shortly (only one entry needed to have a chance for all the prizes).

Unfortunately this competition is closed – but here is another where you could win a copy of the e-book of Love in a Hopeless Place – the draw for this is on the 2nd of July 2013.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

More fizz anyone or maybe some nibbles?

or perhaps some nuts…




Time to change tracks…  we’re still at the party with Lyn and this is the last dance of the evening.



Whilst you’re enjoying Lionel, let me show you the next prize something from the warehouse where Lyn works… something for the weekend   ;-0  


(Bet you hope you don’t win these eh!?)

Back in the book… Lyn is getting in the mood…

…and that was where I started to lose it – I mean lose the will to pretend. You know that feeling you get sometimes when your face aches from smiling when you’re out in company. My life had been that smile.”


and this was the music that accompanied her thoughts…


…and this was what helped her get her mind where she wanted it to be… (Yes it’s another prize!)


Ah slight problem… we’ve started drinking this too…

Never mind, a substitute prize… a copy of the book itself



Back to the story…  Lyn realises the joy of her new love but can she control her lover’s emotions?

To want is easy. To be wanted is a delicious warm bath but with someone else’s hand on the hot tap.”


and another romantic track….



Moving away from the story itself – the cover of the book has proved popular, so my next prize is your very own ‘Love in a Hopeless Place’ flower tattoo (it’s a temporary one so nothing too risqué).



I don’t want to reveal too much more about the plot… but on the way to the climax of the story Lyn hears the following song on the car radio and ironically remarks that it could be her theme song.




‘Love in a Hopeless Place’ – the title of the book is taken from this song and also provided the perfect themed link between all the books in the series – 



Back to the plot… A member of Lyn’s family is a night-club bouncer, but maybe not at The Seahorse Club. My last prize is your own membership pin to that very club… a beautiful enamel and crystal confection – the very seahorse at the heart of the club logo….

To finish this off with my usual flourish… these are my thoughts as I have partied this evening,  from the social club glitter ball my thought reflections are patterned  out below……


Emma Thinx: Neither Life nor Love are ever perfect but there is no perfect Life without Love 

A big thank you to everyone who has lasted to the end of this post. I hope you have enjoyed the virtual party and popped your name down for a chance to win a prize? 


http://www.facebook.com/events/644913025537588/ )


Love In A Hopeless Place – Emma Calin’s new book launched today

Hearing extracts from the opera “Carmen” playing on my grandparents radiogram I used to imagine myself as a person of high culture at the age of ten. I imagined that Carmen was some kind of queen or at least a princess.  It was some years later I saw the opera on TV and discovered that Carmen worked in a cigarette factory. How could this be? How could such a glamorous tragic femme fatale spend her days in such an environment? Why would an artist place his character in such a setting?

Of course, the question was as innocent as I was in those days. Since then I have set stories in a poultry killing plant, a broken-down wreck of a truck and several threadbare domestic interiors. As I prepare to launch

I realise that my contribution to literature may be to set a story in a condom warehouse. Among the packets of Ridged Ticklers and Pleasure Domes a story of lust and love unfolds into passion, violence and destruction. (The names of the condoms have been altered slightly). 



So – why the condom warehouse? The answer is of course, that this is a true story from my own life experience and that is where Lyn, our heroine worked. I was able to see all sides of these events and have added very little. I can say no more. 

This novelette is the last of the series of tales from the gritty streets which form the “Love in a Hopeless Place Collection” which will appear in July. At last, I have gotten that piece of grit out of my eye and can see clear Romance ahead. Indeed, I am working on a story for a publisher almost as if I were a proper writer, although probably I should not go that far. All I can say is that a manly Lord and his elegant lover come together as the sun sets in Venice. Defo not a dead turkey, car smash or condom in sight. Well, you can have too much of a good thing.

Find your copy of the book

Amazon Worldwide book link: viewBook.at/B00D8K61QQ
Facebook Page: http://www.facebook.com/LoveInAHopelessPlaceNovel

Celebrate and enter my draw to win a copy for yourself:
a Rafflecopter giveaway


Emma Thinx: A cold heart is love’s only hopeless place





Love In A Hopeless Place – Cover Reveal

All things evolve and change do they not? Gravity slowly exacts its revenge for my vanity and it looks as if my application to go weightless as an astronaut is in the cosmic slush pile. My personal evolution as a writer now reaches an interim full stop. I started a mere 35 years ago with the magazines, writing shorts about lurrv. (Some success). I wrote proper literary novels (SEVEN! – No success whatsoever). Whatever slush pile I was in, the spring melt swept me away in an avalanche of  otherwise engaged agents, disappeared sub-editors and patronising posh publishers. In a moment of ironic renaissance I wrote “Knockout” as a kind of hybrid philosexophy novel. (Some success). 

All the while I was doing what I think I was born to do – tough shorts about emotion in working class life. This is what I know. I won big lit cred prizes and drove a bus! A few days ago I reached the end of that road with the completion of “Love In A Hopeless Place”. This title will also serve as the overall name for a collection of five stories, all set in the same context. 

This story is a 10,000 word first person account of a working class woman’s experience of self discovery. You can imagine if you read my blogs – there is sex in the mix and even joyously spilled over the edge of the bowl with a few fruity sultanas for texture. These are the opening words:

 “You can’t blame the music for what happened. You can’t blame the budget brand vodka or the Walmart brand cola. You can’t blame anyone but me and the great gaping hole I used to know as ME.”

It is the most difficult thing I’ve ever tried to write. It is a totally true story – and they are the hardest.

Now, if any or all of you guys want an advanced review copy of this story please let me know. It’s not quite the usual menu so I’ll be pleased to get comments. 

This story will be out on Kindle during the first week of June.  In the mean time there is a lovely new Facebook page to visit… 

Emma Thinx: Love is blind. Lust just has no sense.  


Springtime Postcard From Saint Savinien

My wonderful home.

I cannot hide my joy at just being alive here in France. Springtime is special of course, wherever you are. It represents something of a forgiveness to me – that the great generous heart of the universe has  once again let me have its warmth. Surely, this is how pagan folk must have felt.

Brave tiny blooms – your beauty is stronger than my self important life
Oh – thank you thank you for your gorgeous push and pulse

I set out into Saint Savinien with my camera to take some pix of the first push of Spring. Oooh – it made me feel quite frisky – and at my age….no risky. God knows how many progeny I would have borne if I’d not lived in Republic Bar of  Urbania.  Springtime in South London was when they changed the revolving lamb kebab lump-a-stuff in the Istanbul Delite Tonite Takeaway window.  Here, the season pushes out its cry of new life. It’s orgasmic and I love it! 

So, all in all it’s romantic novelist and poet goes OTT with vernal lust. Here are a few images:

Reach and reach and reach and reach. I offer only my open shouting beauty. I AM ALIVE.










LOOK AT ME – I AM A MIRACLE


You just cannot beat these simple little blooms. I think of them as cherub kisses planted with a wink. Oh – joy joy joy!

Emma Thinx: Life sometimes shit. You always seed. GROW!
















Don’t Look A Gift Lasagna In The Mouth

100% meat.Where can I get some?

Right, this has nothing to do with anything OK. I’m sick and tired of news news news about utter rubbish. The latest scandal here in the UK is that Findus frozen lasagna contains 100% horse meat. Experts are on the box wringing their blue plastic gloved hands in their Ministry Of Spin hygienic hairnets. Ooooh – it’s all so terrible. 

Well comrades, I givest not a stuff. The fact that any burgers or lasagnas contain 100% meat is wonderful and astonishing. The very fact that there is any meat content is staggering.

And you know who is to blame don’t you? Yes – it’s the bloody French. The vile Gauls have impregnated our pure Anglo Saxon palates with viande de cheval. And bloody lovely it is too! And it is 100% pure meat contamination! Why can’t I get my normal saw-dust, ground bone and bowel offal burgers?  That’s what I demand to know.

Very probably some crooks have fed some horse meat into the system and that is all very tut tut. Many folk in the world would fight to the death for some 100% horse mince. Let’s get real eh?

Not the normal Romantic writer stuff – but remember I’ve worked in meat processing and slaughtering. 

Emma thinx:  There’s nothing as pure as an empty belly.


Escape To Love Goes Live

Escape on a CD

Well, there it goes – out into the cyber-dome to suffer the slings and arrows of Amazoneous fortune or to take arms against a sea of bubbles. Once they’re gone – there is only one thing to do. Yes – write another one, or rather crack on with the one on the slipway.

Here is the Worldwide Amazon link to ESCAPE TO LOVE.  The Kindle Edition includes a FREE 80 minute audiobook download.

As promised I have attached the sound file for Chapter One of the audio book. The voice of course, is mine. 

Escape with an iPod – let me read it for you!

I am out on the first stop of my mini book launch blog tour at 
Anneli’s Place in CANADA today.  Drop over and leave a message about where you would chose for your great escape get your chance to win a copy of Escape To Love!


Emma Thinx: Words – what would they say if they could speak for themselves?

Escape To Love Book Trailer


I’ve no idea at all what has been happening in the world beyond the screen of my computer. Regulars will know that yesterday I promised a SoundCloud chapter from Escape To Love on today’s blog. As things have worked out, I have actually been able to complete the video book trailer and I’m gonna put that up instead. 

I’ve had Oscar in the bedroom all day doing his male thing. Poor lad is exhausted. You see maidens may exercise power by appearing gentle. Knights have to raise up their swords. Oooh – It’s nice to lie back and be overwhelmed.

 Now – I know what you’re thinking – but I’m talking about the voice-over track. He did the first one in a kinda soft English poet mode. Then he tried all levels of Hollywood dramatosis. In the end we went for poet heavy/Hollywood-lite. If I’m honest I would have liked that 90% dark chocolate guy who always tells you at the cinema that you’re a mug and the best film is next week. They have those scripts that go:  “A man with no nose never knows the purr – fume of a rose ……OR FEAR.  A man where apartment block meets mountain…They call him…. Flat-face”. 

So – it’s up and it’s hanging out. What do you think of my vid?

Emma thinx: No voice is deeper than a mind that truly listens.







Escape To Love On Tour.

You would have thought that by now a media pro like me would have gone on display somewhere. Perhaps a tour with beasts in an old fashioned circus or starring as a fortune teller on the end of a pier somewhere would have been glamorous. As a kid I always longed for such a life – but it was not to be. 

I can now set aside all my previous disappointments. I am going on my first ever blog tour. It was only recently that I really found out what a blog tour is. I guess all of you out there knew already. Since I’m something of a virgin, I’m only doing five stops with the following kind hosts: 

Anneli Purchase on 4th Feb.
Gallo-Romano Media on 6th Feb.
Laurie Jenkins On 10th Feb.
Sheryl Browne on 11th Feb.
Mandy Baggot on 12th Feb.

There will be a chance to win a prize at each stop.

I am hoping not to destroy their readership. Of course, the purpose of the tour is to announce the publication of my latest story “Escape To Love”, which will be out on Monday 4th February. This novelette is a further addition to my urban love series. There will be two more after this which will then form a collection under the banner “Love In A Hopeless Place” – all with full free audio book narrated by me (female roles) or Oscar Sparrow (male roles). 

If you tune in tomorrow there will be a SoundCloud link to the audio of chapter one. Hope to see you there. 


Emma thinx: The rose of love blooms and dies in water – but it thrives in a nice bit of dirt.